Wit and Wisdom of Chairman Helms

To rob the Negro of his reputation of thinking through a problem in his own fashion is about the same as trying to pretend that he doesn't have a natural instinct for rhythm and for singing and dancing.
Helms response in 1956 to criticism that a fictional black character in his newspaper column was offensive. (what, no reference to eating watermelon? Jesse was getting soft!)

The Negro cannot count forever on the kind of restraint that's thus far left him free to clog the streets, disrupt traffic, and interfere with other men's rights.

I shall always remember the shady streets, the quiet Sundays, the cotton wagons, the Fourth of July parades, the New Year's Eve firecrackers. I shall never forget the stream of school kids marching uptown to place flowers on the Courthouse Square monument on Confederate Memorial Day.
Helms, 1956, on life in his hometown of Monroe, NC. (ah, but don't we all have happy childhood memories of Confederate Memorial Day?)

The destruction of this country can be pinpointed in terms of its beginnings to the time that our political leadership turned to socialism. They didn't call it socialism, of course. It was given deceptive names and adorned with fancy slogans. We heard about New Deals, and Fair Deals and New Frontiers and the Great Society.
Helms editorial on WRAL-TV.

I have tried at every point to seek God's wisdom on the decisions I made, and I made it my business to speak up on behalf of the things God tells us are important to Him.
(That was one bad translation Helms was getting.)

I was with some Vietnamese recently, and some of them were smoking two cigarettes at the same time. That's the kind of customers we need!

Mr. Clinton better watch out if he comes down here. He'd better have a bodyguard.

Your tax dollars are being used to pay for grade school classes that teach our children that cannibalism, wife-swapping and the murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior.
(finally, my tax dollars being well used!)

• It's their deliberate, disgusting, revolting conduct that is responsible for the disease.
• There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy."
• I've never heard once in this chamber anybody say to the homosexuals, 'stop what you're doing.' If they would stop what they're doing there would not be one additional case of AIDS in the United State.

A trio of Helms' insights on AIDS

What is really at stake is whether or not America will allow the cultural high ground in this nation to sink slowly into an abyss of slime to placate people who clearly seek or are willing to destroy the Judaic-Christian foundations of this republic.
Jesse Helms in 1990, on funding for the NEA

In the 18 years and 5 months I've been in the senate, none, none have been more capable than Dan Quayle.
Jesse shows off his skills at reading people

Democracy used to be a good thing, but now it has gotten into the wrong hands.

If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles.
Jesse shows off his analytical skills

There are more and more and more. But honestly I've lost my taste for the moron at this point and will leave it here.